Not the First Time This Has Crossed My Mind

Your impertinence is pestilent
If I were you, I would repent –
And I’m not even a Christian.
But damn it, son, your ways prevent
Anything significant
From exiting your orifice.
You might as well have shoved your fist
Down your fucking throat, and this
Is getting quite vexatious.
You illustrate a mannerism
Of – what do we call it? – masochism.
And honestly your malice
For every single one of us
Exasperates and agitates
And aggravates, infuriates
Not only I, but he and she
And we can all agree on this:
You’re pretty much a selfish bitch.