Unreasonable Fears

The grass was wet, as it always is at 5:48 in the morning, after the dew had set on the fresh spring blades. I stood, immobile for a split second, almost drowning in my tiredness. I don’t know why I was so fatigued; I had gotten a good eight hours of sleep. I didn’t remember my dreams, though, but I guess that’s a positive thing. When I was stable, I looked around at the branches of trees, petals of flowers, the hair on my own head, all ever so slightly brushed by a cool breeze. I glanced at my phone. 5:50. “Uh oh.” I needed to get over to the track, but something didn’t feel right. Something was offset. “I sounded the alarm.” Just as the words tenderly hit my trembling lips, a shadow emerged from my peripheral vision. Without a thought, I set off, running. Over the one and a half feet tall brick wall, barely hitting the sidewalk for fear of being caught if I were too slow, down the stairs, platform, down the stairs? No. I slid down the railing of the second set of stairs. I was not fast enough on my own. I needed more – anything to increase my speed. Across the paved tar; a leap over the stream, to avoid the bridge, under which anyone could have been hiding, waiting for my arrival. No “legitimate” clues or motives for my fear, but something was behind me. I know it. 5:51. I bolted across the rocky path, towards the tunnel. Not the tunnel.

I veered away from the sub-road and swiftly climbed the rock wall and I was filled to the brim with terror. Something caught my shirt. Maybe a rock, maybe that shadow. I needed to get to the top. I tugged my clothes back from whatever had taken a hold of them, and my shirt ripped. “Whatever. It’s old.” So I continued to the top. A glimpse left. A glimpse right. No cars. Just that damn shadow, still inching closer to the heel of my shoe. I darted to the opposing side. “What if it’s a robber?” No. That’s illogical. Why would he chase me? He wanted more than material possessions. “A monster?” Maybe. Still too vague. 5:53. I hopped over the bushes, nearly flew down the relatively steep hill, and landed. The shadow stood, motionless. I could feel its presence. “The track.” I ran to the half-opened metal gate of the track. “Why would something want to chase me around here? It will know I only intended to run.” 5:54. I started to jog around the red, cushiony surface. The shadow became more prominent. “Why won’t it just leave me alone?!” My face was, at that point, dripping with sweat. 5:55. “I need to get away.” The shadow was chasing me, and closer and closer. It swept across my heels and now, almost the soles of my shoes. 5:56. In an instant, I accelerated. 5:57. Faster. 5:58. Faster. 5:59. Up.

6:00. I no longer felt my feet hitting the ground. I still ran. Maybe I had “runner’s high.” I love runner’s high. No. It wasn’t that. I closed my eyes. I looked back and saw something I would not in a million years have expected. The earth. It was about nine feet below me. Maybe ten. Dawn broke. The shadow had disintegrated. I was so relieved. I had gotten away from that thing and I was safe. I was still in the air, though. “What the hell?” I embraced the obscurity for a while…and then, I opened my eyes. I had had my eyes closed. “Was I dreaming?” I was by the gate’s half-opened door again. “Maybe I should get back to the dorm.” I jogged back, still a bit confused by what happened. “Was I really flying?” I closed my eyes again to see if the same feeling would occur. Nothing. I did not feel as if I were flying. Back on the rocks, over the stream to avoid the bridge, across the pavement, up the stairs, at the door. I pulled my keys from my pocket, slammed the wrong one in the key hole, just ready to get inside. I found the matching key and carefully unlocked the door. The alarm had never been set the preceding night. My typical morning run was obstructed by what I later realized was my own shadow.