Consequences

The only real thought on my mind as of late, repeating on a sequence, is whether or not consequences are always this drawn out. About three weeks ago, I got into a shit load, so to speak. Well, I didn't really get into it willingly--not like it was some cute skirt I wanted to slip on and take for a night on the town; I was more or less cannoned into it--like a horrendous pair of polyester overalls with a butt flap, but no buttons to keep it up. And I wasn't alone; oh no -- they made sure that anyone involved in my little hiccup was to be punished. It was their number one goal, which shouldn't have come as a surprise, but for some reason, our recollection of their tendencies slipped from our memories.

I made a mistake. I recognize that. I am sorry for that. But I am nowhere near deserving of the ongoing punitive measures that they insist to pursue and dump on me in these, well, shit loads. Sure, "shit happens," as they say, but if that's the attitude we're supposed to take, then why can they not take it and portray it in an equal manner? "You're a leader," they say. "You need not a title to prove your worth," they say. "We want you to move on and up to show the rest of the school that you can turn this around and get back to where you were before this mistake." Well you see, I would, if it weren't for the fact that they prohibit me from merely placing my name on a ballot for leadership positions. My name! My name, for Christ's sake. "Well, we don't want someone like you in a leadership position here. We want people who can be good leaders." Um...

Well, anyway, contradictions aside. Oh, but hypocrisy? Well I'd love to discuss that. Yes, let's. How the hell am I supposed to be a leader without their approval? Titles honestly are not that big of a deal to me, but when they specifically tell me they don't want "someone like" me in a leading role here, that's a bit disconcerting. I mean they took my head prefect position for next year away; they took my house manager position from this year away; they put my on final notice (I'll explain that in a bit); I had two meetings with the headmaster; I now see a psychologist; I served a week of work detail, along with Saturday School; and the list goes on. Anyway. They tell me I messed up and yeah, I did, and I need not validate their statement with an attempt at recreating my fuck up with words, 'cause I've already done that far too much to handle. But when they don't take responsibility for the fact that they let plenty of the richest children here slip up without a consistent punishment regiment, it kinda pisses me off. If the parents donate thousands, they are more inclined to keep the precious kids here. Terrific, right? Not corrupt or avaricious in the slightest.

Lies are terrible and I truthfully am about honour, notwithstanding the lies I told in this little mess up. But aren't lies on the same level of dishonour as stealing? 'Cause I definitely thought they were. But according to the recent decisions made, I'd say some disagree with such an assumption. And hey, that's how the world works. You win some, you lose some. But if you've got connections and if there's money in it, you're much safer in the long run. I'm TERRIBLY sorry that my financial situation isn't equal to that of some of the other students here. And I couldn't more thoroughly regret the fact that my grandparents donate here, my mom donates here, my mom went here, I go here, and that I am (or was) considering sending my children here. It's not like the legacy says anything great about this place. No. It did, but for now, it says jack shit.

Too many times have others gotten away with murder and not been treated the way they have treated me lately. And that's no understatement whatsoever. I just wish they were capable of seeing that they are at fault as well with the choices they've made in the last couple of weeks. This place has changed. And it's changed for the worse.